It’s stating the obvious to say that emotions can be really tough to handle during divorce.
And two especially powerful emotions are grief and anger. Thankfully they don’t usually show up with equal intensity at the same time.
What we do know is that working through them means both embracing them and resolving them, and in that process they can mature and become less painful.
And of course if you’re going through divorce other emotions like loneliness, guilt, rejection, anxiety , shame and fear are probably showing up too. Working through these too can bring relief and also frustration when you find yourself looping through them again and again. The thing is, this is not a straight line process.
As Jeaninne Lee, author of the book ‘Beyond Divorce’ explains, us humans “can’t handle experiencing all those emotions at once, so our psyche chooses the strongest emotion in any given moment to concentrate on. When that emotion is at a manageable level, it will move on to the next one that needs attention”.
This is deep internal work and as you’ve heard me say often, means you need to look after yourself as you go through it.
It’s about self focus and as Jeaninne says, it’s not selfish to take care of yourself.
By being present with these emotions whenever they arise, the intensity will eventually lessen. And that allows for insights and helpful ideas to emerge to deal with them when they arise again.
Finally, having a foundation of self care supports being present with your emotions and embracing your feelings. And that will help you move through them more quickly.
And that’s a real turning point.
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