Beliefs and values influence how we make decisions, the way we think about others, and how others see us.
So let’s get clear on what beliefs and values are:
BetterUp describes beliefs as things that we believe to be true, regardless of the evidence. They’re the assumptions we make about the world. The Webster dictionary defines them as feeling sure that someone or something exists or is true and trustworthy.
The Webster dictionary defines values as a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.
I like to say they are who we are. They are unsquashable.
They are not who we would like to be, not who we think we should be, but who we are in our lives right now. They represent our unique and individual essence and our most fulfilling form of expressing and relating, and are the qualities that make us our best self.
The thing is, if from an early age we’ve been told what to believe and what to value in life, we can sometimes feel like there’s no other way to think or be.
But the truth is, we are allowed to be ourselves, find our own way, establish our own beliefs and values.
In other words, we are allowed to break free of others' expectations.
So how do we do this? How do we design our own lives and move forward, especially after the tough journeys of divorce? Why does it even matter?
Here’s 3 things to consider:
1. It’s essential to work out what you believe in and what your values really are. By this I mean actually name them.
2. Once you work out what you value you can make a plan for how to get in tune with them - how to live in honor of them and not have them trampled on. This is not easy work, so here's a shameless plug for coaching… Having someone in your court willing to help you see where you've tolerated your values being squashed, and helping you see how it’s impacting you, can be the best gift you give yourself.
3. If we want to make changes so we can live more closely with our values, we need to think about the consequences (hint: it’s usually worth it), and decide what’s at stake if we hold on to values that don’t serve us (hint: it’s almost always painful).
OK but how do you find out what your values actually are?
One easy way you can unearth your values is to think about an experience that gave you utter joy, felt exhilarating, or made you feel completely alive. How did you feel in your head, your heart? What could you smell? What colors did you see? What was happening in your body? Was your heart racing? Who was present with you? What emotions did you notice coming up? These are all ways to connect with your values.
Then, try to journal about the experience and capture the words that came up for you. These are likely to be the very things you value.
And remember, when we can start to live truly in line with our values, we feel happier and more able to see the possibilities of a new story.
🧡 I'd love that for you
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